We all talk about being ourselves But Who Are You, Really?

Content Editor: Alice On

Did you know whenever you stretch outside your comfort zone to learn a new skill, the neurons in the brain can form new and stronger connections? Just like any persisting workout, over time the increased connections will gradually make the brain more efficient and “smarter”. So why is it that some individuals flourish in uncertainty while some fail under pressure? Dr. Carol Dweck, the leading growth mindset researcher for over 30 years, believes it all boils down to whether or not we believe our abilities and intelligence can be developed.

“A growth mindset is not just about effort. Perhaps the most common misconception is simply equating the growth mindset with effort. The growth mindset was intended to help close achievement gaps, not hide them.”

— Carol Dweck

What’s within our control to foster success?

The mindset we have can increase the sense of accomplishment, which, in turn, can become the motivation needed to create an environment to accelerate the brain’s development. For example, in the summary of her work, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, when students believe they can get smarter, they understand that effort makes them stronger. Therefore they put in extra time and effort, and that leads to higher achievement.

Ultimately, Dweck proposes there are two mindsets - “growth” mindset and “fixed” mindset. In Mindset, Dweck describes the drivers behind the “fixed” mindset as:

If you have only a certain amount of intelligence, a certain personality, and a certain moral character— well, then you’d better prove that you have a healthy dose of them. It simply wouldn’t do to look or feel deficient in these most basic characteristics.

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I’ve seen so many people with this one consuming goal of proving themselves— in the classroom, in their careers, and in their relationships. Every situation calls for a confirmation of their intelligence, personality, or character. Every situation is evaluated: Will I succeed or fail? Will I look smart or dumb? Will I be accepted or rejected? Will I feel like a winner or a loser?

Intelligence, personality, and character are all desirable and it’s normal to want these, however in Mindset, Dweck also proposes:

There’s another mindset in which these traits are not simply a hand you’re dealt and have to live with, always trying to convince yourself and others that you have a royal flush when you’re secretly worried it’s a pair of tens. In this mindset, the hand you’re dealt is just the starting point for development. This growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts.

Shifting our beliefs can have incredible impact. More specifically, for the new generation, the growth mindset breeds a passion to learn. Instead of training children to seek validations from how “talented” and “smart” they are, parents can give them the gift of loving challenges - to enjoy effort, be intrigued by mistakes and keep on learning. This way children can have a lifelong technique to build and repair their own confidence - instead of being slaves of praise.

How Does your mindset influence …

#How you set and accomplish goals?

#Why you do things?

#How you do things?

#How do you solve problems and deal with success or failure?

#How much do you want to pay?

Your mindset is the key to personal growth, your relationships and achievements. A process-focused mindset is what gives me and the DaisyCode team the confidence to persist daily towards what feels like crazy goals somedays. Don’t get me wrong, failures are still sometimes very painful, but they don’t define us. I find paying attention to the process makes the differences between “effort” and “difficulty” gradually clearer and clearer. True failure is to start assigning blame because we cannot learn from the mistakes and experiences we deny. Problems must be faced, dealt with, and learned from.

The next time you face difficulty or feel like you’ve failed try to notice if it makes you feel “stupid” or want to ​​“abandon” the project.

What is the foundation of fixed mindset?

#Black and white

In my youth everything seemed black and white. As children, we are taught right from wrong - there were good guys and bad guys in cartoons. Good people will only do good things, bad people will only do bad things and of course good always triumph in the end. But now, in our increasingly progressive world, icons of the past such as Capitan American, which carry a strong message, perhaps responding to the patriotism of the era, of the value in potential utility, military obedience and patriotism over the rights and creativity of an individual are met with the mainstream desire for characters and storylines with more complex relationships and emotions. I think high contrast black-and-white thinking can be very dangerous - leading wasting sometimes years trying to proving over and over how great you are, when you could be getting better.

Do these thoughts sound familiar?

Unless its perfect, I am a loser.

If I’m not loved by everyone, I’m not loved at all.

If people don’t tell me how good I’m doing, I’ve failed.

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#The Hot Thought

Everyone has angels and demons - this is most certainly true for my own mental processing. In Cognitive Behavioural Therapy a central theme is that our thoughts influence how we behave and ultimately how we feel. So when we take time to observe the patterns behind reoccurring negative thoughts, we can train ourselves to think in a more constructive way. It is also important to recognize that the way we feel about a situation or ourselves does not make that fact. Feelings are not Facts. For example, during unpleasant conversations or hearing certain trigger words, the brain will automatically respond in a usually negative manner. These “Hot Thoughts” can bring on a wave of negative feelings so strong the thought and emotion start to blend together.

I can't change anything. I can't do it well. - can lead to anxiety

I can't do anything. I am stupid. - can lead to depression

No one loves Me. No one knows me. - can lead to anger

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We all talk about being ourselves But Who Are You, Really?

Who hasn’t heart at least once we must be ourselves, do what we love and pursue our dreams. But do you really know yourselves? How can you "do you" if you don’t know who “you” are?

For me, sometimes in the process of evolving the mindset I get lost and don’t know where to go next. Often the process of change is actually of becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable shedding the "past" you and embracing the unknown possibilities of the you yet to come. I think the trick is to do whatever we can, whenever we can. Focusing on one small step in front of the other, we are all on our way to writing unique stories, speckled with beautiful moments of triumph that the world may never see, with the rest of our lives.

Fixed or Changeable? Frozen or Movable? That's the question Professor Carol Dweck, Ph. D. sought to answer about our mindset and how we think about our abilities. It's led her down a fruitful path that has had an immense impact in the world of education and beyond.

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